Stop making your values generic and boring
Make them spiky and sensory, and bring them to life
When my son was in preschool, I packed his lunch every day. On Fridays, I would include a Hershey’s Kiss in the corner of his bento-style lunch box. It was a small gesture to say, I love you kiddo. And he would look for it every Friday.
When a handy-woman came over to fix something, I left her money on my kitchen table and used a Hershey’s Kiss as a paperweight simply to say, thanks for helping us.
A Hershey’s Kiss represents something I value, which is everyday love and kindness. And I love them. I love pulling the white ribbon to open one, biting into the hard pyramid, and tasting the sweet chocolate as it melts in my mouth. I love giving them to others. It makes me good, like a GI handing out chocolate to French kids after the Normandy landing — you know what I mean.
On my computer, I have a presentation deck that lists my personal values. Each page of the deck lists one of my core values with a picture and a few bullet points explaining it. But rather than listing boring generic values, I use spiky values that are representational and sensory. By spiky, I mean unique and memorable. Many of my values are proper nouns — people, places, brands.
And so, rather than listing something boring and generic like “love and kindness” as one of my values, I call it “Hershey’s Kiss.” The slide shows a giant picture of a Hershey’s Kiss. The bullet points explain what it means to me.
Another one of my values is “Montana.” This slide features a picture of me backpacking in the Beartooth Wilderness many moons ago. The bullets explain that it represents my love of nature, alone time, and a sense of big-sky freedom.
Another value is “Churchill.” This slide has an image of Churchill’s Deserve Victory poster. It represents contributing to world politics in some way, having tenacity, and being generous, true, and fierce, a reference to one of the famous quotes from his autobiography, My Early Life.
You get the idea.
Making my values spiky and sensory has made them so much more meaningful than earlier attempts at outlining my values, when I used generic words like “love” or “family.” It makes them feel unique and bespoke. It breathes life into them. It creates symbolism and energy.
It also makes it easier to bring them alive on a sensory level. In my kitchen pantry, I have an acrylic bin full of Hershey’s Kisses. Whenever I see it, I am reminded of that value and nudged to be more kind and loving, which isn’t always easy! I am sometimes my own worst enemy.
Spiky values are easier to use as guideposts too, and in some ways more flexible. When I’m feeling overwhelmed, I am reminded of my Montana value. I try to honor it by taking some time to myself or communing in nature. In Florida, this usually means going for a swim in the ocean, but sometimes it means allowing myself to lose myself in a Netflix series or obscure war movie. My point is, I don’t have to literally travel to Montana to honor the value. The meaning behind the symbol can evolve with my life and circumstances. Florida has a totally different vibe than Montana, obviously, but the value is the same.
Making values spiky and sensory has been incredibly valuable for the companies and organizations I’ve been involved with, too. In my old FierceMarkets office — that was the B2B media company I created and eventually sold — the Churchill Deserve Victory poster I mentioned earlier hung on the wall in my office. The company name, in fact, was inspired by Churchill’s quote about being generous, true, and fierce. “Being fierce” was one of our company values, which for us meant having a bias toward action and daring to try new things. Mind you, this was before drag queens appropriated the term! Defining this and other values helped shape our company culture. We had a monthly fierce award and would discuss how fierce a candidate was when we interviewed them.
Whether for myself or companies I’m involved with, values act as my compass. They are reference points for making decisions and ballasts that keep me tethered to myself or that keep a company’s culture in tune. When I’m stuck on something, it is often because two or more of my values are in conflict. Sometimes it means I need to refresh my values to reflect how life has evolved, like after becoming a parent.
I don’t revisit my values as regularly as I should, but when I take the time to look back on them I am reminded where I was when I wrote them and how I’ve evolved since. Until last week, I hadn’t revisited mine in more than four years! I came across my presentation buried in my computer files. It was last updated on January 1 2020 when my kid was a toddler, I was living in Washington, DC, and Covid was about to turn everyone’s lives upside-down. As I reviewed the presentation, my mood perked up and I thought, Oh yeah, that’s who I am! Most of it resonated, though I am in the process of updating it.
My advice to anyone doing values work is to make them spiky and sensory. Document them. Revisit them regularly. Use them as guideposts. Find ways to bring them alive visually and in routines.
Try it, and I’ll give you a Hershey’s Kiss the next time we meet.
...seems a great strategy Jeff, if for nothing else than to keep track of personal development, and reflection of trajectories...could also see if the personal matches the professional and fix and/or match yourself to those opportunities vs. the reflections/values created...super curious to hear how these match to you current post covid 4 years later self, and as to what you think is an ideal timeline for doing this type of work and/or updating and checking in on it...do values have temporal or interpersonal sense (ie; would you have different daily values, vs. annually -- are all values insular or good to create shared values amongst certain partnerships)...lots to think about but most of all appreciate the playfulness of matching value to image and idea...strong concept...
You’re so facile with humor and metaphor, Jeff. It’s such a delight to come upon sentences like: “It makes me good, like a GI handing out chocolate to French kids after the Normandy landing.”
As someone who has an allergy to aphorisms, especially those printed on driftwood signs, I really love this idea. A metaphor can encapsulate so much more than abstract nouns, and that’s what you show us with Hershey Kisses, Montana, and Churchill.
As I was reading the paragraphs about the use of these symbols in your company, and you named them as a compass, I was thinking about Philip Pullman’s The Golden Compass, and the energy and skill it takes Lyra to interpret the compass’s messages, but now much of a narrative the images on the compass can reveal to her. Revelations that guide her and in some instances, save her life. Values are often life-savers, as you illustrate with Churchill. And they return us to who we are, as you name in the end of your essay.