Stop with the weird masculinity tropes, Trump supporters

you look insecure and aren't just alienating women

There was a time during the 2016 election when masculinity entered political consciousness and calling Jeb Bush a cuckold was a powerful insult that meant something within rightwing circles. But eight years later, Trump supporters’ rhetoric about gender has gotten alienating and weird.

I’m not sure who’s changed more, me or the movement, but the lazy use of masculinity as a trope to manipulate insecure men is really turning me off. Same with the derision directed at women in general and childless women in particular.

Calling other guys “gay” or “soy boys” for supporting the other team was dumb in grade school, and it is even dumber today. Yet this is the level of discourse coming from many MAGA men on a daily basis. It’s particularly insulting to those of us who are gay. Why would I want to be on the same side of people who view my existence as an insult?

Back in 2016, I was a leader in Trump’s grassroots movement, and he was the most gay-friendly Republican candidate to ever run. But over the last half-decade, I’ve watched his movement become more hostile toward people like me and lose its promise in many other ways, too. It’s been death by a thousand paper clips, but the deeply insulting rhetoric toward gay parents has been a fuck you level turn off for me personally. I don’t see why any self-respecting man would hitch himself to a movement that entertains and nurtures direct threats to the ontology of his family.

I’ve always supported religious liberty as a vehicle for reconciling gay equality with religious conservatives, but the “theocratic fascism” espoused by some clout-chasing trads has become something more difficult to reconcile. Some of it comes across as fundamentally anti-American as well as insulting on a personal level. At this point, I question whether I can have integrity and vote alongside these elements. I hate acknowledging this because it is so cliche, a pattern I observed decades ago with gay dudes who supported George W Bush in 2000.

With these thoughts already in mind, I attended the White Dudes for Harris livestream yesterday. The event featured a series of speakers — mostly politicians and actors — along with requests for donations. According to organizers, the event drew 193,000 attendees, 150,000 signups, and $4.2 million dollars.

White Dudes for Harris was as partisan as one would expect, but it didn’t feel cringe or over-wrought. I’d estimate that 80% of the speakers were straight white men, though a few were openly gay and non-white. The masculinity on display felt normal. It didn’t feel performative or forced. The event was inclusive without the annoying HR/DEI consciousness I had expected.

I attended because I was curious about this innovative approach to organizing, both with the use of livestream and with organizing white men for a female, minority candidate. I am also Kamala-curious, having supported Trump in 2016 and evolved away from him for a variety of reasons. I still consider myself center-right.

The reaction from Trump supporters was not to compete for male support but to deride those participating in White Dudes for Harris. Rather than organizing their own livestream or making a pitch for why all types of men should vote for Trump, male MAGA influencers expressed contempt and mockery for any man who would vote for Harris. Below are two examples. One is a meme calling the speakers “Hollywood faggots for Harris.” The other is a photoshopped image of Pete Buttigieg pretend-breastfeeding a baby.

On one level, I get why many men feel culturally defensive because I feel it too. The Pride-ification of Western culture often feels like a bit much — consider, for example, the opening ceremony of the Olympics which felt more like Eurovision dance party than a unifying global event. There is something inherently right-coded about the masculine urge to protect, provide, and defend. I recently finished reading Richard Reeve’s excellent book “On Men and Boys,” which documents many of the underlying forces driving male malaise across the industrialized world.

Masculinity is good, and addressing men’s issues is something I am interested in. But masculinity is about protecting the vulnerable, not bullying them. Masculinity is about being comfortable in one’s skin regardless of the crowd, not emotionally manipulating other men for not conforming. The most masculine men I know are neither self-consciously nor performatively masculine. They integrate male and female energy in a compelling way. They have gay friends and hug them yet are implicitly no-homo.

Masculinity means respecting women, too. I believe the storyline of this election — the first after Dobbs — is going to be female political power. Talking about cat ladies and childless women in a derogatory manner has the same effect as calling men gay for veering away from Trump. It’s just insulting. It alienates the very people you should be trying to bring into your coalition.

Some may point out that my views on this are moot since Trump has already lost my vote. That’s true. After studying Trump’s electoral actions in the wake of Jan 6, I concluded it was something approaching a coup attempt. I vowed I would not vote for him again, even though a part of me still likes him in the sick way one likes a toxic ex.

So, on the one hand, who cares what I think. On the other hand, you’ve lost an incredible asset to the movement in me, and my reaction may indicate a broader weakness in the Trump movement. It might even push me from sitting out this election to actively supporting Harris. I haven’t decided yet.

Although Trump’s polling remains favorable, the Harris campaign is out-meming, out-organizing, and out-innovating Trump’s grassroots efforts. On some level, the Trump movement itself has become a meme, which is why calling it “weird” has been so effective, as stupid as that is.

My advice to Trump supporters, if asked, would be to rethink their gender rhetoric, do more organizing, and build bridges to constituencies they’ve put off — which may not be easy at this point.

Think about it: While Trump bros were taking cheap shots at the masculinity of their opponents yesterday, Harris bros were actively organizing hundreds of thousands of white men and raising millions of dollars. Which activity is more masculine and productive? If you think the mockery is, that would be weird.