OMG! How similar we all are. I am 70 now and remember feeling everything that you describe at turning 50. I am happier now than I ever have been but I can't say that becoming invisible, seeing my greying hair and wrinkled skin and dealing with friends popping off intermittently has been easy. Mortality. Its quite a big one to really deal with but you have no choice and eventually you get to a place where you live with it and experience nirvana at the same time. thanks for your writing. I love reading you.
At 50 you realize contentment does not lie on the other side of the next big business deal, or the next raise, the next bigger house, the next it car etc. I suppose a twist on old wisdom is happiness is not in possessions and accomplishments, but in ourselves.
Just came across this essay. It’s a good one. I turn 60 in a week. The weird part is that I still feel pretty darn young. I’m still strong and fit—but I know that something’s gonna git me. But I try not to think about it too much.
I had terrible angst about turning 30, but found I was pretty happy turning 40. I think the reason was that at 40 I really had something to show for it - a steady job, a happy marriage, owning a home - whereas at 30 I was still in grad school, and single coming out of a divorce. Hopes up for 50, we'll see how it looks in a year.
Congratulations Jeff on reaching the halfway point! Your last decade was certainly a life well lived, ups and downs included, and if you continue to be relentlessly curious, generous, patient, and humble, (which I know you will) these next ten years will be incredible. It isn’t until people start addressing you as “sir” that you need to be concerned, and you’re a long way from that🤣
Damn you made me feel warm and sensitive inside! Me no like that feeling! JK. really touching writing. I find your prose style here really affecting. I am so sorry about the loss of your brother. Sibling loss is a grief that I think society doesn't talk about as much but its a terrible feeling, because its like you feel that person was supposed to be with you for experiences that aren't complete now without their presence.
…good to see you Jeff and congrats on coming out…might as well join in here…I am 44 and proud (and definitely not a day over 18 in my mind)…great read!!…
So sorry for your loss. “Tectonic” is a great way to describe how that reorganizes a person. Or at least that’s how I feel. I’m coming up on a milestone birthday, too. Really appreciate your reflections.
Hah, re age and wisdom, I have the first at 66 (tail end boomer), but greatly doubt the second. People telling (sincerely AFAICT - *really* not wanting to inadvertently humblebrag here) that they find me wise simply causes me to downgrade my estimate of their wisdom (alternatively they think they are being kind).
I tentatively conclude that the temporal rate of discovering that I have been some sort of idiot is nearly constant, although I am getting much better at not being an idiot in a way likely to have extremely serious longterm consequences, so there is that.
I think you’ve made a dent in the world Jeff. You helped me a lot. If I matter then you matter!
I know I've made small dents here or there. But thank you. Very kind to say.
OMG! How similar we all are. I am 70 now and remember feeling everything that you describe at turning 50. I am happier now than I ever have been but I can't say that becoming invisible, seeing my greying hair and wrinkled skin and dealing with friends popping off intermittently has been easy. Mortality. Its quite a big one to really deal with but you have no choice and eventually you get to a place where you live with it and experience nirvana at the same time. thanks for your writing. I love reading you.
Thanks Michael, glad you liked and related to it! Being happier than ever at 70 seems like an achievement. I hope I am so lucky.
There is life on the other side. :)
Oh thank God! :)
At 50 you realize contentment does not lie on the other side of the next big business deal, or the next raise, the next bigger house, the next it car etc. I suppose a twist on old wisdom is happiness is not in possessions and accomplishments, but in ourselves.
Yes. Well said.
Middle aged gay dads unite! 🤘
Just came across this essay. It’s a good one. I turn 60 in a week. The weird part is that I still feel pretty darn young. I’m still strong and fit—but I know that something’s gonna git me. But I try not to think about it too much.
Thanks and happy birthday. 💪
I'm less than a year younger than you, so thanks for this. Had my own thoughts on middle age a little while ago here: https://loveofallwisdom.com/blog/2023/01/confucius-in-middle-age/
I had terrible angst about turning 30, but found I was pretty happy turning 40. I think the reason was that at 40 I really had something to show for it - a steady job, a happy marriage, owning a home - whereas at 30 I was still in grad school, and single coming out of a divorce. Hopes up for 50, we'll see how it looks in a year.
40s still include the vaunted young man demographic that caps out at 45. Once you hit 5-0, there can be no denying one's middle-aged status.
100%. That's what makes 50 harder than 40, at least for me.
Congratulations Jeff on reaching the halfway point! Your last decade was certainly a life well lived, ups and downs included, and if you continue to be relentlessly curious, generous, patient, and humble, (which I know you will) these next ten years will be incredible. It isn’t until people start addressing you as “sir” that you need to be concerned, and you’re a long way from that🤣
Thank you, Sir! I’m not there yet. End of March!
Time for a celebration!
Damn you made me feel warm and sensitive inside! Me no like that feeling! JK. really touching writing. I find your prose style here really affecting. I am so sorry about the loss of your brother. Sibling loss is a grief that I think society doesn't talk about as much but its a terrible feeling, because its like you feel that person was supposed to be with you for experiences that aren't complete now without their presence.
Giving someone the feelz is a high compliment, so thank you! You're right about sibling loss — I know you understand.
…good to see you Jeff and congrats on coming out…might as well join in here…I am 44 and proud (and definitely not a day over 18 in my mind)…great read!!…
Thank you brother.
Touche:)
So sorry for your loss. “Tectonic” is a great way to describe how that reorganizes a person. Or at least that’s how I feel. I’m coming up on a milestone birthday, too. Really appreciate your reflections.
Thanks Helen. It's funny how milestone birthdays bring up stuff - new reflections, changes, shifts, etc. I hope yours goes well.
Congratulations, Jeff. Welcome to the world where age and wisdom meet.
Thanks Dennis. Almost there…
Hah, re age and wisdom, I have the first at 66 (tail end boomer), but greatly doubt the second. People telling (sincerely AFAICT - *really* not wanting to inadvertently humblebrag here) that they find me wise simply causes me to downgrade my estimate of their wisdom (alternatively they think they are being kind).
I tentatively conclude that the temporal rate of discovering that I have been some sort of idiot is nearly constant, although I am getting much better at not being an idiot in a way likely to have extremely serious longterm consequences, so there is that.
My God I've been an idiot at times, but it's heartening to know there's an idiocy-impact minimization trajectory to embrace.
Thank you